What's up?

A short shout-out about my life these days, since I haven't posted anything. Currently, I'm on senior year of my uni life. You know it's kinda boring and flat, yet I lose my passion and spirit continuing my studies. But the fact it is just a small tiny step ahead to finish it, I think I need more power supply to help me through the edge line. Well, that the only reason that I keep holding on is my family. You might say it's quite cliche, but against of all I just wanna make my parents proud of me.

Almost three years,and I can't even believe myself that I've come this far. Believe me or not, all the experiences and the moments (up-and-down) made me more and more mature, from how my perspective changed, the way I try not to judge every thing, and even how to act-and-say-in-the-public. I thank God that I surround by many kind of people that helped me out to motivate myself to be better, better and better. 

Since now I'm 21, I should face a gigantic responsibility ahead, and now I'm overwhelm by the fear. Age of over 20 doesn't always mean that you're legal, but also you have to know what you wanna be (in my perspective). By the time flies, I realized that I want to goal my childhood dream to be a teacher. As I'm trying to achieve it, the doubt comes. I'm still thinking, Is it all I want or just a childhood matters? Anyway, beside my childhood matters, I also have some targets that I can't mentioned here due to personal issues. However, I always put some goals on my list in one or five years later. And I always evaluate every single things, year by year.

Maybe thousand of people will ask you, through 21 years, what have you done after all? And my answer will be nothing. I have done nothing through my 21 years. A simple reflection that I am still thinking of even now. I'm surrounded by the questions, am I mature enough? have I made my parents looked back and said, "I'm proud of you son!"? or perhaps questions which doubt myself. But, I believe that one day, If I looked back, I would not be that screwed/horrible/bad anymore!!! Indeed, it's why, I'm still exploring my self. And I'll stop if the time has come.

"There is no way to turn way back, even right now. Keep moving on and see differently."

Nyata

Maka ketika itu sehelai kertas putih pun tidak pernah putih lagi karena ada sebuah cerita yang terukir ketika ide datang melalui benaknya, atau mungkin sebuah memoar lama yang tak bisa ia lupakan.

Sejenak berpikir bahwa semuanya telah ia lalui, dengan atau tanpa keringat yang bercucuran. Usaha telah dilakukan kadang sia-sia kadang berhasil. Namun kehidupan harus tetap berjalan, berputar bak roda yang bundar. Segala pengalaman itu jadi sebuah pembelajaran untuk menjadi lebih baik dalam mengejar mimpinya. Entah mimpi yang nyata atau hanya semu belaka.

Pernah sesaat terbesit seorang sahabat, yang kini mungkin telah ia lupakan. Seorang sahabat yang pernah dulu ia bagikan semua rasa, canda tawa, suka duka atau hanya lelucon belaka. Ia pun sudah lupa, lupa akan semua hal itu. Tapi satu hal yang pasti memoar itu masih ada, melekat dalam benaknya dan berharap suatu hari dapat bertemu dengan sahabatnya itu.

Kadang terbangun dalam mimpi bahwa hidup ini tak semudah membalikkan telapak tangan, bangun dalam ketakutan bahwa semua ini hanya akan sia-sia, lalu ia berteduh dalam sebuah syair kepada entah siapa yang biasa mereka sebut "Sang Pencipta". Dan sekejap rasa gentar itu hilang, dan tenang, damai, kosong......

Yang terdengar saat itu hanya detak jam yang begitu kuat. Suara nafas yang begitu berat. Kegelapan dan terang bagai sehelai kertas tipis, terlalu tipis sampai tak terlihat beda. Namun jelas, itu hal yang berbeda. Dan ketika suatu hari, semua hal ini tidak bisa dirasakan lagi. Tangan hanya akan terlipat rapih di atas perut, mengenakan jas hitam, dan mata sudah tertutup.

Dimana ia berada tak ada seorang pun yang tahu. Ada yang bilang ia telah damai di surga, ada yang bilang ia akan tersiksa di neraka, bahkan ada yang percaya ia akan kembali lagi berada disekitar mereka.

Ini memang sebuah cerita yang akan dirasakan oleh semua insan, ada yang percaya ada yang tidak. Tapi sudahkah Anda sadari bahwa ini Nyata?

"..lalu ia berteduh dalam sebuah syair kepada entah siapa yang biasa mereka sebut "Sang Pencipta"... Tapi sudahkah Anda sadari bahwa ini Nyata?"

BORED

A simply shout out about life when everything seems so flat. I don't have any specific topic to write, but I really want to do it. So I decided to post a picture that I made by myself 2 years ago, when the same circumstance occurs. So there you go!

Commitment is an act not a word - Jean Paul Safre

2013

Seems to late to post 2013 things, since it's already February 2014. But what did actually happen in 2013?

Yep, so many things happened in 2013, either it is bad, good or even better than any other year.

Personally, 2013 is best year so far, especially in my university life. I found and learnt many stuffs, and unconsciously made my self even better than I thought. Mostly what I wanted in that year, became a reality. I don't know why, and how those things magically happened, but I do feel very grateful until now. And here is a short story about what a big thing occurred in 2013.

When I saw one of my best friend went abroad to participate an International event, I was so jealous, yet happy for her, because I do believe in her quality in doing MUN things. However, it didn't make me hate her or something, but more likely inspired to do the same thing. And yes I joined the audition for International events, that was held by one the bureau in my university. The result was I'm not qualified enough and got rejected. At that time, I was happy because the reality were I'm a newbie and I should learn more to increase my skill. Yeah, the positive thing was I have another year to make my self more decent to be selected.

Two months after that, it was holiday, one of my lecturer called me and said that I will replace one of my friend to go to Philippines. I was shock, happy, even couldn't say anything because at that time, a few days before, I was promising my self, that before I graduated I should join any kind of international event. It was like dream come true!!! I was so speechless, don't what to do, what to say, I was so nervous.

After the euphoria that I selected, I went to Bandung to joining the practice. Just a month before my departure to Philippines, I prepared a few things, the materials, the technique and the mental of course. Actually I was struggling because it's a new thing for me, but I did enjoy it.

And the moral story is now I believe in a power of mind. Beyond whatever happened, it was because I would like to achieve it, and I'm trying to do everything that, probably related to my dream. I don't know how it happens, but it works naturally. The year of 2013 gave a magical moment for me and couldn't even ask for more. 

Lastly, I hope 2014 will rock my world again maybe even better than 2013. :)

Here are the happiness that captured in 2013. Enjoy!

I was one of the delegate.

Before the departure.

USLS with my partner.

A beautiful sunset in Manila.